It's getting hard to stand up

Sometimes i hate looking in the mirror, 
I used to be prettier, skinnier, attractive...
Now i look at myself and i feel ugly, fat. hard to look at.
Im not surprised i cant find anyone.
Why would someone want to be with someone like me.

I feel lazy.
insecure 
and hopeless 
I loss faith in myself to easily. 

I shield my heart so no one can hurt me. 
Again...

Im lifeless and boring. 
confused and frustrated. 

I need to change in so many ways
I need to be happier.
I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BE HAPPIER! 
I hate smiling sometimes 
Laughing gets harder and harder everyday.
Thinking is impossible.
Motivation
hummm... i forget what that feels like 
Why have i become such a cold, dark, heartless person?