Lady Lana

Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun.
Some of those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken.
I believe in the country America used to be.
I believe in the person I want to become.
My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean...
I believe in the freedom of the open road.
"I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself I ride, I just ride."
Because i can take you on a bumpy road.
You never really know where you might end up or end up with.
But I didn't mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to realize what true freedom is.
They have no idea what it's like to seek safety in other people - for home to be wherever you lay your head.
But I've seen it first hand.
I remember it like that back of my hand.
The darkness you hide deep down in your soul.
At night I pray that I’d find my home.
I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy
I'm tired of driving 'til I see stars in my eyes
It's all I've got to keep myself sane.
Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I..
I've got a war in my mind.
I hope this doesn't frighten you.
Im sorry to be so forward,
But please dont leave me now
Don't say good bye
Don't turn around
Live fast.
Die young.
Be wild.
Have fun.

"Happiness, you see, is just an illusion of Fate, a heavenly slight of hand designed to make you believe in fairy tales. But there's no happily ever after. You'll only find happy endings in books. Some books. "

Rabbit Hole

Ill just have to try and understand.
Why you would want to be alone.
Why you find it easier to be cold...
An even though your eye's are icy,
I can still see the warmth,
It burns right through your icy chest.
Cause your heart has so much rhythm.

And i just don't see.
Why you choose to drowned it out.
When you know you want to scream it loud.
I wish your demon could let you go,
So you can take control.


There's so many questions I'm still unsure of.
I know you don't know the answer.
And your trying to figure them out.

But next time do me this one favor...
Remind me to keep my hands straight out,
So when you get scared and drop me.
And your demon decided to haunt me.
I have something to catch my fall.
So i can find my way out of the darkness.

And here I rest,

where dissappointment and regret collide,

lying awake at night, 

up all night.

It's getting hard to stand up

Sometimes i hate looking in the mirror, 
I used to be prettier, skinnier, attractive...
Now i look at myself and i feel ugly, fat. hard to look at.
Im not surprised i cant find anyone.
Why would someone want to be with someone like me.

I feel lazy.
insecure 
and hopeless 
I loss faith in myself to easily. 

I shield my heart so no one can hurt me. 
Again...

Im lifeless and boring. 
confused and frustrated. 

I need to change in so many ways
I need to be happier.
I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BE HAPPIER! 
I hate smiling sometimes 
Laughing gets harder and harder everyday.
Thinking is impossible.
Motivation
hummm... i forget what that feels like 
Why have i become such a cold, dark, heartless person? 

Karma

what goes around comes around at lest that's what they say.
karma hasn't been doing its job right.
I don't feel any better.
I guess i shouldn't
That wouldn't make me a better person.

Sometimes i think im to good of a person.
To nice
Easy going...

I should be meaner....
Nahhh...
Whats that going to prove.

Hello Again.

Its been awhile since ive written anything.
I guess its been difficult to put all my thoughts together.
I really don't know how ive been feeling lately.
I really don't think im feeling much anymore to be perfectly honest with you.


Apart of me feels like i used to be a lot more interesting.
Then again i was a mess when i first started this blog.
Im not a mess anymore.. At lest i don't think i am.

Ive grown up alot.
Things have become more in perspective.
Ive made some mistakes...Maybe one to many
But ive learned from them
Maybe i shouldn't call them mistakes but more of lessons.
I dont regret anything ive done
That's what makes me who i am today.

Is it weird i feel silly writing right now?
Its kinda funny cause i used to write all the time.
When i say all the time i mean piles and piles of journals...
Right now i just feel like im talking to myself.
ha ugh.

I Haven't really let anyone in..
Its funny how the heart beaks and let downs never seem to change.

Ive relized you dont need anyone but yourself..
Well for most of it anyway.
Its good to have a handful of people that you know will be there to help you back to your feet when your legs give out.

Mmm
No one ever said that it would be easy.
Right?