Underwater.

I don't know how to be honest,
And I'm not sure how to spill my guts.

I'm afraid of what i might say because at this point im not sure about us. 

There's to may thoughts piled,
Its hard to get through to them all.
Ive drawn a blank,
stopped in my tracks by this brick wall.
But i find myself here willing to give it a go.

The hate and disrespect is making me forget the really you...

I don't know where to start because there's to many beginnings and ends.
And they all point back to you. 

What do i say at this point to make it sound like im only here as your friend?

Im not..

we can never be just friends.

We've proven that to each other to many times to count. 

But we still insist on walking on these dead grounds.

[But its whatever right, that's all i ever get.
Shut your face...
Don't talk.
Im never going to change.]
I cant believe im back where i started,Why am i here?
And why is this fear taking over me.
Its all so unclear!
 

And all we do is bring drama along with us until we reach the end..

But is it the end?

Can we say goodbye?

I'm so sick of asking myself why...

So tired of all the lies.

I cant handle the frustration...of wondering whats next.

Or having you hit on ever single one of my friends.

I'm done its making me sick in my head,

I cant control the feelings i feel when I'm lying in your bed.
And all i hear is your heart beat pounding in my head.

The rush i get in the deepest part of my chest.

Its like a hole.

Ill tell myself i don't love you,
Mask it from with fear and bitterness.
Its a front and you know it.
But do you want to know it?

I refuse to say it out loud.

So ill keep it locked away and never let it slip out.

Its easier to try and convince myself its not true.

But you can only run from your feelings for so long...

until they creep back up to you.

I'm scared.

I'm scared to let go.
Scared to hold on.

Scared to say no.

I don't want to leave something behind that i already know...

I'm shacking.

Fucking shacking in my bones.
Its 100 digress in my room but you would think i was standing in snow. 

I cant believe I'm actually saying this right now.

But my fingers just want to go.

There's no turning back
Life's written in pen

No regrets right.

then why do i feel this guilt in my stomach.

It feels like a knife...

Its making me sick.

Vomiting just to have the slightest sense of control.

To feel  something more then a fucking black hole.

But it just makes it deeper.

I'm an empty pit.

Nothing left to walk on

I don't exist.