Summer stars are incredible

The notes you left beside my bed, 
And when you kissed me goodbye on my forehead. 
These are the things i like the most,
Its safe to say im not afraid.
Ive never felt so happy. 

 Incredible <3

It amazes me when ordinary people do extraordinary things...

Dearest Mother, 7

I'm seconds away from breaking down,
I want to break every fucking  wall i put up.
I want to feel free.
Get to a place so high,
Gravity doesn't even seem to existed.
All i have to do is make one call,
Just one.


But ill bring my mind back down to size.
I have to bring myself back down,
Just do realize how far I've come.
Ill be nothing like you.
I cant stand of the thought of turning out like you

You were never there to hold my hand through the dark roads you lead me down.
And i walked such a fine line to bring myself to where i am now.
How you were so upset to see me leave.
You say i abandoned the family,

Please.


On my own for those few months made me see,
What a monster you could actually be.
And i would see weeks go by before you would come home.

Maybe.


You need to see how this family feel apart sometime ago.
There was nothing left.
No matter how hard i refused to let go.

I reached the point where i grow tired of  hearing your sad lies.
Over and over they would pour from your mouth.
Never any truth to be found.

I don't want to be the one to watch you pick them up one by one.
When your world seems to crumble at your sorry feet,
I hate the word I'm sorry.
I hate it so much.
That's all you could ever say to me,

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Save your fucking apologize for someone who hasn't heard it all before.
If only you put some thought into what you created on this earth,
And not what the drugs make you see.
I want you to see there is more to life then what you have created in your mind
I want you to see
I want you to see me.

Candy

"Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that's what love is like. Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep going." 

Its only human to grab ahold of the the one thing that makes you happiest in life.

Some people are capable of accomplishing such a strong bound not even gravity could hold them down.

 

But how far would a person go to hold on to it.

Would you lead a person so far into the darkness just because your afraid of entering it alone?

Does a person have the strength to let go of love,

Cause'

They know their lover would be better of alone.

Then stuck in a hole.

I find when it comes to love people tend to get selfish. 

Everyone just wants someone to love and have them love them back.

What if loves not enough?

What do you do to make it enough?

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows. Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide. And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart... I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.

In a white room.

What if you were put in a room with for white walls,
And a black pen.
do you think an average person would be able to describe themselves. 

Do you think they would let there imagination expand?

Would they open themselves up for the world to see.

Or be shamed of the thoughts that came to mind.

I believe the imagination has no bounders.

That there is no ending point to what we can choose to express,

And how to express it.

There are so many ways a soul could shine,

Through anger,

Through sadness, 

happiness,

And love.

That's why i don't understand how a mind could blank out.

For example writers block.

Right now i have the worst writers block. 

But an old friend told me just to write what comes to mind.

Don't be afraid to express yourself in anyway you can.

So ill take this time to ramble on about how i feel,
There is no way to just go blank.

At times i wonder if words are ever enough.

do words have any effect.

Like the words I'm sorry or i love you.

I feel they mean the same thing if you just say them

There's no real emotion in just a word, 

I want to see actions,

Action's are what make it happen, 

Word's ...

Well words just speak for themselves.

Ive been manipulated by so many sad songs in such a short amount of time.
Maybe i set myself up for what i saw coming,

But i chose to ignore my gut,

To see if a person could actually break bad habits.

And well there's so many things i would have liked to say,

And there was a far share of things a should have said.
But it wouldn't have made a difference,
I would go to open my mouth 
But nothing would come out.

That paragraph reminds me of that night in your room.

The night you said...
"I think i'm falling in love with you."

And  i remember how you got so upset....

When i hesitated to say it back.
And i told you not to tell me,
unless you really ment it.
Didn't i told you?...

But i always knew there was never going to be a me and you,

And well I'm sorry i loved you. 

An that sorry is for me...

Not for you.

Ive made it a habit to bring my journal where ever i go.

You never know what you might stumble upon or who might inspire you.

I find that even the slightest word or smell could trigger a memory.

I often daydream about my past.

And im not talking about these last few months/ years. 

But really think about my past life.

Ive been on this earth for almost two generations now. 

Thats a whole lot of time to be feel like you haven't really accomplished much or made a huge difference.

I like to think ive made an impact on some life's.

I'm not the kinda person that normally judges another,

But ill admit i do my far share of analyzing,

Well at lest in my mind i try.

To me every person has a color that shines through,

You can see it an a smile 

Or hear it in a laugh.

Even in the way a person looks at you, 

I think if i were to be locked in a room with four white walls,

I would like a packet of markers.

Its harder to find a person soul when its all just in black and white.

After some time I imagine you'd sleep alright.

Somehow i always knew things would be left unsaid.

I should’ve called you out,

But nothing would have changed.

Im pretty sure we could have slept for hours,

And as i shut my eyes to rest i can feel you stare right through me.

As if your trying to figure me out.

And when i think its safe ill try and do the same.

Ill open my eyes just to have them meet yours.

As i try and look behind the ice they indoor,

As your breathing  becomes shallow.

Ill keep your hand intertwined with mine...

But only for this short time.

I tell you to get some sleep,

And i hope you tell me you're feeling tired.

And I refuse to tell you one single secret I own,

Cause you'll find I'm petrified of your icy eyes.

They would soon melt mine,

As i floating down a river named emotion.

Will I make it back to shore,

Or drift into the unknown

But  it seems to me that everything falls out of place,

When you just don't know where to go,

Can't you wait a while?

Or will you just be another ghosts traveling endlessly through my memorie.

Some things are better left unsaid.

"  It’s all false love and affection, you don’t want me, you just like the attention."

There is no light, My eyelids ache from too much darkness.

I built many walls to keep you out,
And there's a lock with no key,
But these walls are fragile.


And i can see the light shining through,
This rhythm begins to grow louder,
Its getting harder to keep it down.
The echoes are vibrating through my veins,
As it breaks these walls to the ground






I feel myself begin to give in,
I need to get out and find a way back from this sorry sin.
There's no way ill have this drug keep me trapped,
I will take control,
While i wait for it to pass.




And the ice is cold,
But spring is near.
To help me overcome this cold chip ive inbeaded,
And all the snow has melted
And i can feel the warmth it my face.
I feel my body slow down and come back to the right place.
And the spring never fails to melt me.
From this ice cold cave.


Ill burst in front of your eyes,
Then collect myself from the floor.
Ive finally realized i dont need you anymore.

Your decisions now are yours alone. You're nothing but a stepping stone. DM6

'They say i look just like her,
They can hear her in my laugh.'
     "You have the prettiest eyes just like your mothers"
     "There so bright, Would you look at that!"       


'But when i look in the mirror ,
I can't stand the reflection staring back.
I get chills of the thought of you staring back.

And as i look at myself,
Your slowly shining through
Cause your eyes are my eyes
They make me see the real you.







I saw you lastnight.
I could tell from the way your eyes are,
You havent even attempted to stop.


     "Oh, Im so happy to see you!"
     "Hope your feeling well"
     "How's your knee from the accident?"..
     "Is it almost healed?"

As i give you a smile with a friendly hello,
Ill tell you that im doing just fine & follow you in from the door.





I wonder if your sober enough to remember,
How much time has really past,
Its been about five months...
From the last time you asked.


But Ill bite my tongue and let it slide,
I just looked into her glazed heartless eyes.
She goes on about how good things are,
How everythings working out the 'right' way.



And I try to sit and listen but Ive heard it all before,
Lie after lie it  starts to pour,
You try to cover up the last thing you said.
its just not all fitting together...


I know i should tell you to start swimming,
Because this water is no longer ankle deep,
And you begaing to drown in your stories.
 I feel i should tell you to hold your breath,
Because it apears to me your having a hard time..
Keeping your head above water.


But im going to just keep my mouth shut and let it rain.
What else would you expect me to do?
I just wish you could realize i see all your lies,
As they shine right through your eyes.



Cause'



Your eyes are my eyes
And they've seen how you mainspitze.
But im trying my hardest to keep you hidden underneath,
Ill learn from your mistakes.
Ill get past this rainy day.

Do the leaves fall in florida?

It started with every month of every cold october
Put the jacket on and walk around the corner
Finding the next someone to fall for.
So we can sit down and share a cup of warmth
But it wont get us no where when were this young
Yet who cares when we've been here once before
Trying to figure out this reason of feeling.
We've already been falling.

And as autumn days fade away,
My memories will always stay the same.
I'm hoping you will never change,
Don't ever change.

We could be friends, But im better off sleeping alone.

I'm the author of my own life, And it's written in pen,

So unfortunately i can't erase my decisions.
I'm two different people,
Jess,
And the person you see me as.
Ive been told im very manipulative.
But as far as im aware everyone has a mind of there own.
Maybe the problem is,
They need a little control?

But don't be afraid.
My company isnt all that bad,
We can just sit an chat.
who said i wasnt cool with that?
An i feel its necessary....
i'll say the things i forbid myself to say.


"The more I learn to care for you,the more we drift apart. Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart?"

Bright Eyes - Oh, You Are the Roots That Sleep Beneath My Feet And Hold the Earth In Place

I sing and drink,
And sleep on floors,
I try hard not to be annoyed,
By all these people worrying about me.
So when I'm suffering through some awful drive,
You occasionally cross my mind.

I'm going to see just how far i can fly.

Have you ever made that choice? 

The one that was so right,

You knew it the moment the words came off your lips?

I made it, 

I’m glad. 

So relieved.

I’m so ready for everything and anything that is coming my way.