Cheap Tequila

Burning down the bridge of you're memories.
Light up my darkness.
Our hearts would beat like a drum. the moment his lips met mine
We may only have the night,
But you have me humming along to this beat you've made into a song.
And I will keep you in my mind.
Keep me safe within your thoughts,
Light up my dark.
Let go of all your haunted dreams
Burn down the bridges of my memory.

Waking up in a dream.

I feel like sleep medication.

Locked inside a blue and white capsule. 

Tiny bits of beads steady and sealed with eyes open but dazed with a thin layer of hazed. 

Mashed potato brains, 

clouded thoughts, 

with no sense of complete direction of where I'm supposed to be, 

where I must go, 

or how I'm going to get there. 

I feel like sleep medication. 

Blue, white and numb. 

It's hard to feel when your feelings have been completely compromised. 

It's hard to move when the weight of your shoulders make you feel cemented, 

glued, 

trapped in place. 

Pulling, 

clawing, 

swimming, 

gasping for just a breathe of air. 

Breath, 

Slow down, 

Rewind.

I'm just sleeping it's all but a dream. 

Or a nightmare. 

Wake up. 

Wake the fuck up! 

Avoid someone like you, like who? Like me when im around you.

I'm getting tired of this game you play called

"I like you,

just kidding,

oh wait yes I do,

nope"

I find myself wanting everything I cant have. Me being a little bit fickle and not begin able to trust myself.

There is a lot of people I really admire, and I would like to spend more time with and be  progresive in a relationship with.

And I will start that, But then for whatever reason I am like interested in other people.

I'm like well you're perfect but I'm goona go burn this down and go hang out with someone else.

I guess its positive that I recognize that instead of igniting fire in peoples lives.

I'm trying to be better.

I think thats how i'll start it.

"Reading these old blogs... I remember that fire and gasoline feeling. its long lost and faded but I can still feel it."

Finders Keepers.

"She’s a rare breed,
matter fact,
she’s an endangered species.
Mine, But not entirely.
Hard to capture,
But when you do its beautiful"


His heart’s been broken and just like mine it remains in pieces.
But everytime we’re near each other smile is all we can do,
our shattered souls intertwine.
I know I’ve felt the same kind of agonizing pain he’s been through
and I find comfort in his grasp so I reach out with both arms and I hold him.
Not because I want to.
But because I know he needs me to.
And that. that's all that really matters.

."He who makes a beast out of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man."

i accidentally swallowed some butterflies that were having tea with me,
they wont leave me alone they say its cramped in my stomach,

Reading Between The Lines

And all we do is bring drama along with us until we reach the end..

But is it the end?

Can we say goodbye?

I'm so sick of asking myself why...

So tired of all the lies.

I cant handle the frustration...of wondering whats next.

Or having you hit on ever single one of my friends.

I'm done its making me sick in my head,

I cant control the feelings i feel when I'm lying in your bed.
And all i hear is your heart beat pounding in my head.

The rush i get in the deepest part of my chest.

Its like a hole.

Ill tell myself i don't love you,
Mask it from with fear and bitterness.
Its a front and you know it.
But do you want to know it?

I refuse to say it out loud.

So ill keep it locked away and never let it slip out.

Its easier to try and convince myself its not true.

But you can only run from your feelings for so long...

until they creep back up to you.

I'm scared.

I'm scared to let go.
Scared to hold on.

Scared to say no.

I don't want to leave something behind that i already know...

Mess

Leave.
You.
Always.
Leave.

Fire ash and dust.

I'm under your spell

Ain't nobody's business

I'm already there

And it ain't nobody's business

I can do what I want I'm in complete control
That's what I tell myself
I got a mind of my own I'll be alright alone
Don't need anybody else
Oh, she don't see the light that's shining deep within the eyes, can't find it.
Tell me what you want to know.
Tell me where you go, Where you want to go.
Lets take it right back to where we used to go.
No we will never look back,We will never look back.
And everything we touch will turn to gold dust.
Days burn to ash
Nights will flash to fast,

It feels better in the dark.
I feel closer to your heart.
lights flash before my eyes.
I see the clouds open.
When the sun comes out.
The world, It comes between us.

That's what I tell myself.
Don't need anybody else.
Oh, she don't see the light that's shining deep within the eyes, can't find it.
Tell me what you want to know.
Tell me where you go, Where you want to go.
Lets take it right back to where we used to go.
No we will never look back,
We will never look back.

With nothing but you're heart beat.
That bone striking
Head thumping beat that holds a strong steady rhythm in my ear.
But, everything we touch will turn to gold dust.
Days burn to ash
Nights will flash to fast.
And by morning the world will come between us.

Eyes can only tell so many lies... I must have died this time.

'They say i look just like her,
They can hear her in my laugh.'
     "You have the prettiest eyes just like your mothers"
     "There so bright, Would you look at that!"       


'But when i look in the mirror ,
I can't stand the reflection staring back.
I get chills of the thought of you staring back.

And as i look at myself,
Your slowly shining through
Cause your eyes are my eyes
They make me see the real you.

Blue eyed beauty  you shouldn't cry,

I wish i could dry your eyes...

Your to pretty to cry.

Sometimes i wonder if these people are blind,

I've never seen more sadness behind a set of eyes.

I live behind this fake smile

Sometimes i surprise myself on how happy i can act.

Ive lost every emotion... knocked down with every oz of strength i had.

I feel it in the depths of my stomach, 

These butterfly's sink like stone.

And now im pondering why i choose to stay in the cold.

My eyes are the darkest blue ive ever laid eyes on.

Limbo

You either say how you feel and fuck it up or say nothing and let it fuck you up. 

I feel like I'm holding myself back to actually finding someone that's going to give me their whole heart. I hesitate to get to know another because of the feelings I have for you. 

I need to stop putting my life on pause for something that's been stuck in limbo for two years. 

I'm afraid if I don't let you go I might pass up something great 

Rhythm

Electrified heart stopping emotion.

That's what we all crave. 

The beats that calmly put us into a sweet slumber after being completely intoxicated with one another. It's that feeling when you hear a song. That overwhelming, bone striking, heart throbbing feeling that nothing else in this world can compare too.  

Checkmate

Lets play a game.

this is embarrassing,

i dont even like you.

so why do i still insist on thinking there's more to you?

there isn't

your so shallow i can see right through you.

so weak your screams echo...

Even through silence.

you dont have to speak.

i can see it...

see it in the way you look at me.

at her.

the other one

this one

which one?

that one?

jezz how the hell can you remember their names.

i would be so lost in this game.

Its no surprised your going insane,

and this is why you hide from your pain

behind a bottle.

to ashamed to build back the bridges you've burned.

to afraid to face your own battles.

kick me in the stomach to knock the wind out of me once again.

But your the same person to help me to my feet.

stand  up your okay.

were okay.

But im sick of being a pawn in your game.

contently being moved around where you want me.

like im tied to a string.

jokes on me,

once again 

I should take my own advice.

Listen to what i preach.

But i like to build myself up for a fall.

How much higher can we get this wall?

Jump,

Jump,

Jump,

Jump.

Im fucking climbing!

Until it all comes crashing down.

But wait hurry lets put her back together.

just to let her know im here.

You'll always be here locked in my brain

And believe me i can feel the pain.

Your brain freeze in 100 degree weather.

Someone please get me a sweater.

Before i get as cold as you are.

Wrap me up and keep me warm.

Get me out of this snow storm!!

Im tired of the bitterness and being unsure.

Im living in the past i cant believe im back where i started.

it happened so fast.

But who was thinking.

Most the time it was just fun. 

It only starts to pour..

when you decide to run. 

I dont think you can handle my honesty.

Because its not honest at all.

Everyday im faced with a new out look on how im going to knock down my wall.

Just to face another fall.

Why?

Always asking why?

Ive made a list.. wanna see it?

Im sorry.

I love you.

Good bye.

Why.

I call it my bullshit list cause that's all it is..

Nothing but empty words.

meaningless.

Why? Well i'll say goodbye because I love you... Im sorry.

Not today friend

To be perfectly honest I don't know what I should be writing. 

I feel no different now then I did then. 

I'm not confused or uncertain or lost.  

I'm not missing, wishing or hold any particular desire for you like I thought I would. 

Basically I'm feeling no sort of fallen feelings.

 

I guess I can say I'm in the clear. 

I dodged another built. 

Once again...

The rambling of a static mind

I wish there was a manual on how life works. 

A GPS that helps us see the roads we choose and where we will end up when we choose them. 

Guidance, structure, support, balance, stability and responsibility. 

These are all the things I was taught through out my life.  

We are molded and formed each and every day 

We become individuals with our own beliefs, our own point of views, and our own voice. 

I've been ask at times what I believe in. Going into the aspect of religion "with no judgment on anyone else's beliefs" it confuses me. Tell me somthing... How did one man create every living, breathing thing? 

If you ask me I think god is just an excuse someone used one day so they didn't come of crazy. Like "oh no I'm not talking to myself, I was talking to god" 

Something's about the bible I can understand. Like Adam and Eve and the temptation they had to taste the forbidden fruit. This I can relate to. There are so many forbidden friuts in my life, the temptations are overwhelming, yes. But I remember what I was taught growing up. 

Guidance, structure, support, balance, stability and responsibility. 

You can choose to fight temptation  or you can choose to give into temptation. If you choose to fight it and you have the power with in yourself to never let it overcome you... Well then congradulations...Your a lot stronger then a lot of people that I know. 

But If you are like most. Temptation gets the best of you and you give into the forbidden fruit. 

What ever that fruit may be. 

I don't believe in depriving yourself. I believe if you can find a happy middle in anything you do,you are able to remain blance with out tipping over. 

The temptations are there for a reason. They wouldn't be there if they weren't. These reasons are for you to grow and learn and develop as individual humans. 

Me personally I find no shame in giving into temptations. As Long as you can control and stabilize yourself with out loosing blance. 

Note that the key word here is balance. There always has to be an equal balance in everything you do. 

-jgali

Lady Lana

Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun.
Some of those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken.
I believe in the country America used to be.
I believe in the person I want to become.
My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean...
I believe in the freedom of the open road.
"I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself I ride, I just ride."
Because i can take you on a bumpy road.
You never really know where you might end up or end up with.
But I didn't mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to realize what true freedom is.
They have no idea what it's like to seek safety in other people - for home to be wherever you lay your head.
But I've seen it first hand.
I remember it like that back of my hand.
The darkness you hide deep down in your soul.
At night I pray that I’d find my home.
I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy
I'm tired of driving 'til I see stars in my eyes
It's all I've got to keep myself sane.
Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I..
I've got a war in my mind.
I hope this doesn't frighten you.
Im sorry to be so forward,
But please dont leave me now
Don't say good bye
Don't turn around
Live fast.
Die young.
Be wild.
Have fun.

"Happiness, you see, is just an illusion of Fate, a heavenly slight of hand designed to make you believe in fairy tales. But there's no happily ever after. You'll only find happy endings in books. Some books. "

Rabbit Hole

Ill just have to try and understand.
Why you would want to be alone.
Why you find it easier to be cold...
An even though your eye's are icy,
I can still see the warmth,
It burns right through your icy chest.
Cause your heart has so much rhythm.

And i just don't see.
Why you choose to drowned it out.
When you know you want to scream it loud.
I wish your demon could let you go,
So you can take control.


There's so many questions I'm still unsure of.
I know you don't know the answer.
And your trying to figure them out.

But next time do me this one favor...
Remind me to keep my hands straight out,
So when you get scared and drop me.
And your demon decided to haunt me.
I have something to catch my fall.
So i can find my way out of the darkness.

And here I rest,

where dissappointment and regret collide,

lying awake at night, 

up all night.

It's getting hard to stand up

Sometimes i hate looking in the mirror, 
I used to be prettier, skinnier, attractive...
Now i look at myself and i feel ugly, fat. hard to look at.
Im not surprised i cant find anyone.
Why would someone want to be with someone like me.

I feel lazy.
insecure 
and hopeless 
I loss faith in myself to easily. 

I shield my heart so no one can hurt me. 
Again...

Im lifeless and boring. 
confused and frustrated. 

I need to change in so many ways
I need to be happier.
I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BE HAPPIER! 
I hate smiling sometimes 
Laughing gets harder and harder everyday.
Thinking is impossible.
Motivation
hummm... i forget what that feels like 
Why have i become such a cold, dark, heartless person? 

Karma

what goes around comes around at lest that's what they say.
karma hasn't been doing its job right.
I don't feel any better.
I guess i shouldn't
That wouldn't make me a better person.

Sometimes i think im to good of a person.
To nice
Easy going...

I should be meaner....
Nahhh...
Whats that going to prove.