Rabbit Hole

Ill just have to try and understand.
Why you would want to be alone.
Why you find it easier to be cold...
An even though your eye's are icy,
I can still see the warmth,
It burns right through your icy chest.
Cause your heart has so much rhythm.

And i just don't see.
Why you choose to drowned it out.
When you know you want to scream it loud.
I wish your demon could let you go,
So you can take control.


There's so many questions I'm still unsure of.
I know you don't know the answer.
And your trying to figure them out.

But next time do me this one favor...
Remind me to keep my hands straight out,
So when you get scared and drop me.
And your demon decided to haunt me.
I have something to catch my fall.
So i can find my way out of the darkness.

And here I rest,

where dissappointment and regret collide,

lying awake at night, 

up all night.

It's getting hard to stand up

Sometimes i hate looking in the mirror, 
I used to be prettier, skinnier, attractive...
Now i look at myself and i feel ugly, fat. hard to look at.
Im not surprised i cant find anyone.
Why would someone want to be with someone like me.

I feel lazy.
insecure 
and hopeless 
I loss faith in myself to easily. 

I shield my heart so no one can hurt me. 
Again...

Im lifeless and boring. 
confused and frustrated. 

I need to change in so many ways
I need to be happier.
I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BE HAPPIER! 
I hate smiling sometimes 
Laughing gets harder and harder everyday.
Thinking is impossible.
Motivation
hummm... i forget what that feels like 
Why have i become such a cold, dark, heartless person? 

Karma

what goes around comes around at lest that's what they say.
karma hasn't been doing its job right.
I don't feel any better.
I guess i shouldn't
That wouldn't make me a better person.

Sometimes i think im to good of a person.
To nice
Easy going...

I should be meaner....
Nahhh...
Whats that going to prove.

Hello Again.

Its been awhile since ive written anything.
I guess its been difficult to put all my thoughts together.
I really don't know how ive been feeling lately.
I really don't think im feeling much anymore to be perfectly honest with you.


Apart of me feels like i used to be a lot more interesting.
Then again i was a mess when i first started this blog.
Im not a mess anymore.. At lest i don't think i am.

Ive grown up alot.
Things have become more in perspective.
Ive made some mistakes...Maybe one to many
But ive learned from them
Maybe i shouldn't call them mistakes but more of lessons.
I dont regret anything ive done
That's what makes me who i am today.

Is it weird i feel silly writing right now?
Its kinda funny cause i used to write all the time.
When i say all the time i mean piles and piles of journals...
Right now i just feel like im talking to myself.
ha ugh.

I Haven't really let anyone in..
Its funny how the heart beaks and let downs never seem to change.

Ive relized you dont need anyone but yourself..
Well for most of it anyway.
Its good to have a handful of people that you know will be there to help you back to your feet when your legs give out.

Mmm
No one ever said that it would be easy.
Right?

Awaken from my past.

"Just because I like you, it doesn’t mean I still don’t think you’re evil"

We were like fire and gasoline.

How do i describe this..

It was like fire and gasoline,

a spark that we doused with gas.

The spark then turned into a mass explosion, 

that would rawr with red hot flames that dance fast in the night.

you watch as the fire builds up while everything in it burns down...

This flame wont hold up much to long,

Cautious to get to close of fear you might get burned,

Walk to the side and watch as it dies.

The last removal,

When at last it is over 

      They had all become the same dry wood.

Another day

I guess im feeling a little down tonight

Valentine's day is coming up... barf. 

(Why don't you just cut me open with a rusty spoon and rip my heart out.)

Yeahhhh not really feeling cupids arrow much.

The whole thing seems like another day to just spend unnecessary money on unnecessary things,

 for someone who's just unnecessary...

why?

welll cuase down the line there most likely going to

A. Cheat on you.

B. Lie to you

C. Leave you.

(or if your luckkkkyy)

D. He'll lie to you about cheating then leave you for a binboe he met at the bar. 

(Buttttt don't worry your little heart <3 nooope, cause your dumb enough to take him back when she leave's him for some guy she met at the bar)

Life has a funny way of working in cycles and circles. Things have a way of always biting its self in the ass. 

Like my dad always says. 

"What goes around comes around"