Waking up in a dream.

I feel like sleep medication.

Locked inside a blue and white capsule. 

Tiny bits of beads steady and sealed with eyes open but dazed with a thin layer of hazed. 

Mashed potato brains, 

clouded thoughts, 

with no sense of complete direction of where I'm supposed to be, 

where I must go, 

or how I'm going to get there. 

I feel like sleep medication. 

Blue, white and numb. 

It's hard to feel when your feelings have been completely compromised. 

It's hard to move when the weight of your shoulders make you feel cemented, 

glued, 

trapped in place. 

Pulling, 

clawing, 

swimming, 

gasping for just a breathe of air. 

Breath, 

Slow down, 

Rewind.

I'm just sleeping it's all but a dream. 

Or a nightmare. 

Wake up. 

Wake the fuck up! 

Avoid someone like you, like who? Like me when im around you.

I'm getting tired of this game you play called

"I like you,

just kidding,

oh wait yes I do,

nope"

I find myself wanting everything I cant have. Me being a little bit fickle and not begin able to trust myself.

There is a lot of people I really admire, and I would like to spend more time with and be  progresive in a relationship with.

And I will start that, But then for whatever reason I am like interested in other people.

I'm like well you're perfect but I'm goona go burn this down and go hang out with someone else.

I guess its positive that I recognize that instead of igniting fire in peoples lives.

I'm trying to be better.

I think thats how i'll start it.

"Reading these old blogs... I remember that fire and gasoline feeling. its long lost and faded but I can still feel it."