Waking up in a dream.

I feel like sleep medication.

Locked inside a blue and white capsule. 

Tiny bits of beads steady and sealed with eyes open but dazed with a thin layer of hazed. 

Mashed potato brains, 

clouded thoughts, 

with no sense of complete direction of where I'm supposed to be, 

where I must go, 

or how I'm going to get there. 

I feel like sleep medication. 

Blue, white and numb. 

It's hard to feel when your feelings have been completely compromised. 

It's hard to move when the weight of your shoulders make you feel cemented, 

glued, 

trapped in place. 

Pulling, 

clawing, 

swimming, 

gasping for just a breathe of air. 

Breath, 

Slow down, 

Rewind.

I'm just sleeping it's all but a dream. 

Or a nightmare. 

Wake up. 

Wake the fuck up! 

Avoid someone like you, like who? Like me when im around you.

I'm getting tired of this game you play called

"I like you,

just kidding,

oh wait yes I do,

nope"

I find myself wanting everything I cant have. Me being a little bit fickle and not begin able to trust myself.

There is a lot of people I really admire, and I would like to spend more time with and be  progresive in a relationship with.

And I will start that, But then for whatever reason I am like interested in other people.

I'm like well you're perfect but I'm goona go burn this down and go hang out with someone else.

I guess its positive that I recognize that instead of igniting fire in peoples lives.

I'm trying to be better.

I think thats how i'll start it.

"Reading these old blogs... I remember that fire and gasoline feeling. its long lost and faded but I can still feel it."

Finders Keepers.

"She’s a rare breed,
matter fact,
she’s an endangered species.
Mine, But not entirely.
Hard to capture,
But when you do its beautiful"


His heart’s been broken and just like mine it remains in pieces.
But everytime we’re near each other smile is all we can do,
our shattered souls intertwine.
I know I’ve felt the same kind of agonizing pain he’s been through
and I find comfort in his grasp so I reach out with both arms and I hold him.
Not because I want to.
But because I know he needs me to.
And that. that's all that really matters.

."He who makes a beast out of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man."

i accidentally swallowed some butterflies that were having tea with me,
they wont leave me alone they say its cramped in my stomach,

Reading Between The Lines

And all we do is bring drama along with us until we reach the end..

But is it the end?

Can we say goodbye?

I'm so sick of asking myself why...

So tired of all the lies.

I cant handle the frustration...of wondering whats next.

Or having you hit on ever single one of my friends.

I'm done its making me sick in my head,

I cant control the feelings i feel when I'm lying in your bed.
And all i hear is your heart beat pounding in my head.

The rush i get in the deepest part of my chest.

Its like a hole.

Ill tell myself i don't love you,
Mask it from with fear and bitterness.
Its a front and you know it.
But do you want to know it?

I refuse to say it out loud.

So ill keep it locked away and never let it slip out.

Its easier to try and convince myself its not true.

But you can only run from your feelings for so long...

until they creep back up to you.

I'm scared.

I'm scared to let go.
Scared to hold on.

Scared to say no.

I don't want to leave something behind that i already know...

Mess

Leave.
You.
Always.
Leave.

Fire ash and dust.

I'm under your spell

Ain't nobody's business

I'm already there

And it ain't nobody's business

I can do what I want I'm in complete control
That's what I tell myself
I got a mind of my own I'll be alright alone
Don't need anybody else
Oh, she don't see the light that's shining deep within the eyes, can't find it.
Tell me what you want to know.
Tell me where you go, Where you want to go.
Lets take it right back to where we used to go.
No we will never look back,We will never look back.
And everything we touch will turn to gold dust.
Days burn to ash
Nights will flash to fast,

It feels better in the dark.
I feel closer to your heart.
lights flash before my eyes.
I see the clouds open.
When the sun comes out.
The world, It comes between us.

That's what I tell myself.
Don't need anybody else.
Oh, she don't see the light that's shining deep within the eyes, can't find it.
Tell me what you want to know.
Tell me where you go, Where you want to go.
Lets take it right back to where we used to go.
No we will never look back,
We will never look back.

With nothing but you're heart beat.
That bone striking
Head thumping beat that holds a strong steady rhythm in my ear.
But, everything we touch will turn to gold dust.
Days burn to ash
Nights will flash to fast.
And by morning the world will come between us.

Eyes can only tell so many lies... I must have died this time.

'They say i look just like her,
They can hear her in my laugh.'
     "You have the prettiest eyes just like your mothers"
     "There so bright, Would you look at that!"       


'But when i look in the mirror ,
I can't stand the reflection staring back.
I get chills of the thought of you staring back.

And as i look at myself,
Your slowly shining through
Cause your eyes are my eyes
They make me see the real you.

Blue eyed beauty  you shouldn't cry,

I wish i could dry your eyes...

Your to pretty to cry.

Sometimes i wonder if these people are blind,

I've never seen more sadness behind a set of eyes.

I live behind this fake smile

Sometimes i surprise myself on how happy i can act.

Ive lost every emotion... knocked down with every oz of strength i had.

I feel it in the depths of my stomach, 

These butterfly's sink like stone.

And now im pondering why i choose to stay in the cold.

My eyes are the darkest blue ive ever laid eyes on.

Limbo

You either say how you feel and fuck it up or say nothing and let it fuck you up. 

I feel like I'm holding myself back to actually finding someone that's going to give me their whole heart. I hesitate to get to know another because of the feelings I have for you. 

I need to stop putting my life on pause for something that's been stuck in limbo for two years. 

I'm afraid if I don't let you go I might pass up something great